Five "killer I's": 1. Inflexible 2. Intimidating 3. Interrogating 4. Intolerant 5. Insistent.
In this fifth article of five, I address the last of the five killer I's - insistence, and what to do about it.
5 - Insistent - Similar to the inflexible leader, the CACS leader who is insistent offers little to no room for others to do things their way. Insistent leaders kill motivation. The insistent CACS leader goes a step beyond inflexible to demonstrating behaviors that dictate specifically not only what must be done, but how it must be done. These are your micro-managers. When you have a job to do, you are not given the autonomy to do it your way, but rather part of the job is doing it how the CACS leader wants you to do it. I have been fortunate in that I have not worked for many managers who routinely exhibit this type of behavior, but I grew up with this style of parent and have coached others who have been lead by this style of leader.
Often, this style of leader will tell you that they just want you to be successful, but the truth is that they are perfectionists and afraid of ridicule and failure. Looking good via success or perceived success is paramount for them, which is why your potential mistakes, errors, or possible failure must be mitigated at all costs. The insistent leader lives with anxiety, and the desire to allay that anxiety and fear drives their controlling behavior. In some cases, this may stem from an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
For the CACS leader
Get help from a professional coach or therapist. Your controlling behaviors are not making your people better, nor more competent. Your controlling behaviors are stunting their growth. If there is no room for your people to figure out what works for them, you risk creating dependent automatons who fear taking actions unless you tell them exactly what and how to do it. You're breeding dependency and incompetence, and killing any chances of inspiring creativity or producing innovation.
Start small, with yourself. You're going to have to retrain yourself to give up your perfectionism. One technique I am familiar with is desensitization. This is where you pick something that would typically cause you anxiety and gradually desensitize yourself to the need for perfection. To deal with my perfectionist tendencies, I was instructed to start by parking crooked in parking spots on purpose. The goal was to begin to train my brain to see that I could be ok with imperfections in my life and realize it didn't make me a horrible, defective person and that the world didn't end.
Practice giving others more "rope." You may have to start small here too. Begin with low-risk activities or projects and give them to others to own completely, then aside from a few progress check-points, get out of the way. Resist the need to instruct on how to execute the job. When they come to you for answers, turn it back on them and inquire what they think the right answer is. Over time, gradually increase the level of risk and value of the work you delegate.
Ask, don't tell. Related to giving others more rope, inspire ownership by learning to ask open-ended questions that provoke other's ideas to come forth. For example, if a direct report to whom you've given a task asks you how you would like for him to proceed, instead of telling him how to proceed, ask him the following: "How would you proceed with this task? What do you see as the first steps?" (There are many resources on the power of asking open-ended questions. I recommend anything written by Warren Berger on the topic.)
For the Employee
Bring awareness to the dynamic. In some cases, the leader you are working with may not be fully aware of their propensity to be insistent or micromanage. In all likelihood, they know about their behavior, but don't know how to stop it. In either case, acknowledge the behavior and the impact on you. It could sound something like this - "Could I make an observation? I noticed that after you gave me that project to own, you proceeded to tell me how to do it. I felt frustrated and I worry about your level of confidence in me. What was your intention?" Their response might be some explanation about how they want to help you be successful.
Clarify ownership. Confirm that they want you to own the task or project and discuss what that looks like.
Advocate for your autonomy. Express your appreciation to them for wanting to support you and share how you thrive with autonomy, prefer to get things going on your own, and will ask for their help when needed.
Negotiate. If the leader can't let go of all of what they have given you, see if you can identify a component of the task for you to own completely.
Establish regular checkpoints. Check-in periodically to share your progress and get their feedback and input. You'll need to agree on frequency. Initially, this may need to be more frequent and then tapered off as their anxiety subsides and they get comfortable with how you work.
If none of the above steps work and you are unable to establish the level of autonomy you desire, you may be faced with the option of leaving the situation. This is always an option when dealing with the CACS leader who is insistent or exhibits any of the other five "killer I's" of command and control style leadership. They will not change until they decide that they want to impact you and others differently.
In conclusion, I believe that the CACS leader is becoming a relic of the past. Research and scientific evidence is supporting the benefits of autonomy and servant leadership. Servant leaders adapt to serve the needs of others. Servant leaders use emotional and social intelligence to connect, communicate, and inspire others to take action. They do not need to command or control the situation because they develop trusting relationships with their employees who they can count on to deliver and count on to communicate when they need help.
Whether you are a recovering CACS leader or your work with one, you have the power to change your experience and that of others by advocating for new styles of leadership... Styles that truly respect the individual while looking out for the interests of the whole. Styles that prioritize seeing each other as human beings rather than workers or "resources." This alternative to CACS leadership requires a shift in the leadership paradigm and our view of ourselves and each other. Let's make this shift together and bring about a reality in which "we" comes before "I" and caring and compassionate leadership replaces command and control.